[easy come, easy go, take it all from me]

 i've been thinking about my choir teacher a lot. i think i have an attachment disorder or something. and when i think about him, it's not romantic or sexual. i think of him like my parent, i think about talking to him and him listening, or what's really cringey is wishing he could hold me or comfort me like a parent. i cried about it last night, because i felt like such a weirdo and i also felt so painfully alone knowing that would never happen. i'll have to get over it.

i love the sorry boys so much, they're SO fucking funny. isaacwhy is also so funny like i have PAINFUL laughter episodes it's stupid. 

i think J is mad at me. he said he thinks i have a complex because i sometimes act like he's stupid. i don't think he's stupid, but sometimes he asks a question that sounds straight up dumb. he'll ask a question about something that i JUST answered, as if he didn't read or heard what i said at all. how is that treating him a certain way when that's just how he's behaving? i hate stupid questions, i don't like feeling like i'm not listened to. so what if i act smarter? i know i'm not that smart and it's not like i'm trying to do it. people always say it like i'm trying to act like a smartass. that's just how i act, i don't do it to be mean. i don't know why people can't understand that. i don't know why it's so hard for people to understand me!

i don't know why i bother talking to anyone at all. forget anything else i was going to write about, it was pointless.