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hey first of the year (skrillex reference)
school started again yesterday. it's nice doing stuff again but it's still school shit. i don't like having to be on a schedule and school makes me so extremely tired. i don't really care about that right now.
my cat is pooping a little bit of blood so he's going to the vet tomorrow. i can't really think about anything else and it's making me obviously very emotional. doesn't help my period is coming up. if max dies i'm going to be extremely depressed. i don't know why it has to be the cats that are most attached to me that die (aside from morgan, but he was terminally ill). but literally miz and chloe both died from sudden illness of different types and both of them spent the most time with me. honestly idk how attached chloe was to me, she just had to be in my room exclusively because the cats harassed her. but whatever. cats have short lifespans and it's not like you can prepare for this kind of stuff. things just happen, which is the worst part of life, or sometimes a really good part of it. i really need to stop making myself so sad but it's hard to not think about it. max is 11 years old, he'll be 12 by may. i want him to live a few more years like he's suppose to. so many of the cats died before they were that old. miz was 9, chloe was around maybe 4 or 5 maybe younger, and morgan was actually kind of old at least older than 10. i love max a lot and he loves me. i hope that if he does die it's not painful like miz's was, and we're able to euthanize him or something painless like with chloe. i hate thinking about this.
i'm going to do my ap lit assignment. it's due tomorrow before class so i can't slack off. life goes on.
actually i'm editing this!! i'm going to give an update anyway. yesterday i went on a date and it was super duper boring. the guy wasn't bad, but we just had small talk the whole time and he was awkward. he picked me up for the date but i lied about my address by giving him the house number from across the street. because i'm so smart. we walked around this river in our town and it hurt my feet cuz we walked for like 40 something minutes. i unmatched him on hinge and removed him on snap lmao. also whenever i imagine his face i imagine my ex's brother's face (probably because i barely looked at him and he was very tall).
i don't even know if i want to date right now, i'm pretty anti-people right now. i like my friends but even with them i don't want to be around them super often. idk. i guess since i said i went on a date that let's you know i'm no longer interested in J. which is surprising in retrospect. i was into him for SO LONG and now i feel literally nothing towards him. i don't get my brain. i feel bad for him too, i feel like i cheated him. i can't control my feelings.
okay now i'm going to start that assignment. goodnight.
school started again yesterday. it's nice doing stuff again but it's still school shit. i don't like having to be on a schedule and school makes me so extremely tired. i don't really care about that right now.
my cat is pooping a little bit of blood so he's going to the vet tomorrow. i can't really think about anything else and it's making me obviously very emotional. doesn't help my period is coming up. if max dies i'm going to be extremely depressed. i don't know why it has to be the cats that are most attached to me that die (aside from morgan, but he was terminally ill). but literally miz and chloe both died from sudden illness of different types and both of them spent the most time with me. honestly idk how attached chloe was to me, she just had to be in my room exclusively because the cats harassed her. but whatever. cats have short lifespans and it's not like you can prepare for this kind of stuff. things just happen, which is the worst part of life, or sometimes a really good part of it. i really need to stop making myself so sad but it's hard to not think about it. max is 11 years old, he'll be 12 by may. i want him to live a few more years like he's suppose to. so many of the cats died before they were that old. miz was 9, chloe was around maybe 4 or 5 maybe younger, and morgan was actually kind of old at least older than 10. i love max a lot and he loves me. i hope that if he does die it's not painful like miz's was, and we're able to euthanize him or something painless like with chloe. i hate thinking about this.
i'm going to do my ap lit assignment. it's due tomorrow before class so i can't slack off. life goes on.
actually i'm editing this!! i'm going to give an update anyway. yesterday i went on a date and it was super duper boring. the guy wasn't bad, but we just had small talk the whole time and he was awkward. he picked me up for the date but i lied about my address by giving him the house number from across the street. because i'm so smart. we walked around this river in our town and it hurt my feet cuz we walked for like 40 something minutes. i unmatched him on hinge and removed him on snap lmao. also whenever i imagine his face i imagine my ex's brother's face (probably because i barely looked at him and he was very tall).
i don't even know if i want to date right now, i'm pretty anti-people right now. i like my friends but even with them i don't want to be around them super often. idk. i guess since i said i went on a date that let's you know i'm no longer interested in J. which is surprising in retrospect. i was into him for SO LONG and now i feel literally nothing towards him. i don't get my brain. i feel bad for him too, i feel like i cheated him. i can't control my feelings.
okay now i'm going to start that assignment. goodnight.
