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grim_b0nes Jun. 2nd, 2025 02:05 pm)
grim_b0nes Jun. 2nd, 2025 02:05 pm)when i was ranting to myself a day or so ago, i kind of realized some things.
i have a few memories of a couple times when i would make my toys basically rape each other. it wasn't violent, it was a certain form of uncomfortable overstepping. in a way that has to be secret, because it's bad, but it's quiet and you can't do anything about it.
i should not have been able to understand that, not in that way. if it was violent, maybe i could blame having seen something that imitated rape, like the time i saw a part of law and order where someone was raped, i saw that at a young age, so if i replicated it, that could have been a reason. but the way i did it with my toys was not like that.
it's pretty obvious what i was trying to do. no one talked to me about what happened. my parents said that no one talked to me about it when they should have, but why didn't YOU do anything? you should have said something to me about it, but you just DIDN'T. no one told me what that was, or why it was wrong, i didn't know what incest what, i didn't know what molestation was. if i knew that, i probably wouldn't have kept being friends with someone else who was inappropriate with me. if it wasn't for my brother, i would have said something too. my entire family basically sabotaged me.
it's pretty obvious why i have so many weird sexual things, too. i really have no reason to feel shameful about it.
i have a few memories of a couple times when i would make my toys basically rape each other. it wasn't violent, it was a certain form of uncomfortable overstepping. in a way that has to be secret, because it's bad, but it's quiet and you can't do anything about it.
i should not have been able to understand that, not in that way. if it was violent, maybe i could blame having seen something that imitated rape, like the time i saw a part of law and order where someone was raped, i saw that at a young age, so if i replicated it, that could have been a reason. but the way i did it with my toys was not like that.
it's pretty obvious what i was trying to do. no one talked to me about what happened. my parents said that no one talked to me about it when they should have, but why didn't YOU do anything? you should have said something to me about it, but you just DIDN'T. no one told me what that was, or why it was wrong, i didn't know what incest what, i didn't know what molestation was. if i knew that, i probably wouldn't have kept being friends with someone else who was inappropriate with me. if it wasn't for my brother, i would have said something too. my entire family basically sabotaged me.
it's pretty obvious why i have so many weird sexual things, too. i really have no reason to feel shameful about it.
